Photographs and Tears
by Yawping Stance
Summary: ONESHOT Sequel to Emerald and Onyx. Reminded by the holdiays of James and Lily's deaths, Sirius reflects, regrets, and tells Harry about his sixth year at Hogwarts. Rather fluffy at the end, sorry. Only slightly AU. COMPLETE. PLEASE REVIEW!


**Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to the magnificent Harry Potter. Although I've asked Santa for them, along with a pony, and a boyfriend, and another pony, and another boyfriend, and a life...**

**Oh, and I also don't own eggnog. Nor do I want to, it's disgusting. I don't see how people can drink it with or without liquor!**

A/N: This is slightly AU. I've switched the murder date of Harry's parents to sometime in mid- to early-December. It's October in the books, isn't it? Anyways, this'll be a one-shot, cuz I dunno where the plot would go after this. Also, this only makes sense (or it'll make _more_ sense), if you read the prequel to this, _Emerald and Onyx_.

Sirius sat on his bed in his room at number 12. He heard snatches of people singing Christmas carols downstairs, and sank his head down onto his chest. He lifted it again and looked at a picture on his bedside table. He, Lily, and James were laughing together at some Christmas party years ago. Oh, look. Remus had decided to wander into the picture with them...finally. He brushed back a lock of his raven black hair and blinked back a tear. How he hated December. Too many painful memories.

_Men don't cry_, he thought fiercely to himself. He pulled his knees up to his chest and stared at Lily. _What if I hadn't let her go? What if it was me that had married her? You can't go blaming yourself! She was James's all along, and you know it! Still, I'd have rathered-Now you say that, after it's happened. But what about then? I would've still. Whatever. Mope all you want, I'm leaving._ If the voice had had a body, it would have walked away.

"I'm going insane," Sirius muttered to himself.

"You mean you aren't already?" A smiling Remus walked in clutching two glasses of eggnog. Sirius took one.

"I mean more insane. Like, hearing voices insane."

"You mean that little voice inside your head that tells you what you should do?"

"Yeah. That."

"That's called a conscience, Padfoot."

"So _that's_ what that is! I thought I'd gotten rid of that years ago!" They both smiled and sipped their drinks. Sirius wrinkled his nose. "This is just strait eggnog."

"Yes," Remus said slowly. "Anything wrong with that?"

"Yeah!" He set the glass down and rummaged in the drawer of his nightstand. He pulled out a flask of whiskey and dumped the contents into the drink. "Now _that's_ eggnog!"

"Padfoot, why do you keep whiskey in your bedside table?" Sirius shrugged.

"You never know."

"Each to his own." Remus took another gulp. "So, why aren't you downstairs?"

"Hmm? Oh. Just a bit of thinking, that's all."

"About what?"

"What's this talking thing you're always wanting to do, Moony? We're _men_. We're not _supposed_ to want to talk! Unless, you're secretly a woman..."

"Last time you said that, I'd persuaded you to ask out..." He stopped short and looked down. "Oh."

"Yeah."

"So, you're feeling guilty?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

"But _why_, Sirius? It wasn't your fault!"

"Yes, it was! _I'm_ the one that persuaded them to switch secret keepers. _I'm_ the one that broke up with Lily! I mean, what if I hadn't? What if it was me that was murdered instead of James? He'd still be alive today, wouldn't he?" A shadow appeared unnoticed in the slightly open doorway.

"But Harry would still be an orphan."

"Not if James were still his father! He'd at least have someone, then."

"He has _you_."

"But I'm not the same! I as good as killed them myself, Remus. That summer, I had all but signed their death warrant." Sirius hugged his shins tighter to his body and put his forehead on his knees to hide the tears. "He'd still be alive," he said quietly, to hide the trembling in his voice.

"But Lily wouldn't. And don't you _dare _try to tell me you didn't love her anymore, I know that that's a lie." Remus put a hand on his friends shoulder. "You mustn't blame yourself, Padfoot. It's Wormtail's fault, not yours. You didn't betray them."

"I betrayed James, that year." The shadow shifted defensively.

"But you fixed it, didn't you?" Sirius nodded to his knees, thought, then shook his head.

"No. Because then I betrayed both of them, and now they're both dead."

"So you're saying you'd rather see James alive than Lily?"

"I never said that!"

"Then, you'd rather see Lily alive?"

"I never said that either! I'd rather see them both alive and _me_ dead!" There was a hesitant knock on the door. Sirius managed to get his face back-to-normal-looking. "Come in." Harry entered awkwardly.

"Erm...Professor Lupin? Mrs. Weasly wants your help down stairs." Remus nodded and left, casting a sidelong glance at Sirius that clearly said _tell him_. Sirius and Harry sat and stared at each other for a few moments.

"So, um...what were you and Professor Lupin talking about?"

"Depends. How much did you hear?"

"That I would still be an orphan."

"I see. Harry, I think that it's high time I told you." So Sirius told him. Everything. When he'd finished, the fifteen-year-old stood, dumbstruck for a moment.

"So...you and my dad had a fight over my mum?"

"Yeah."

"And...you were dating her."

"Yeah. If I hadn't broken up with her, you'd still have a dad." Harry blinked for a minute. Ron could be heard downstairs, calling him. "You'd better go." Harry nodded and headed toward the door. In the doorway, he stopped for a moment.

"I _do_ have a dad, Sirius." And left. Sirius leaned back on the head board and looked at the picture.

"Quite a boy you two've got. He'll make more of himself than just The Boy Who Lived, someday. Mark my words." But the pictures just kept smiling and waving.

-Fin-

Okay, okay, I know the end was sappy! But, other than that, what did you think? Honestly. I'm even accepting flames for this one. Can't guarantee no scathing replies, but I'm still accepting them. Please review!


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